Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
