Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
