I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
