12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
