she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize