I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
