o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
