No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
