A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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