We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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