this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
handjob tips. give me some.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
