well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
