You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
