Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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