I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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