Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
