this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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