if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
