The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
