Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A bitchslap is in order.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
