Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
