Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
