Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
