I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
