i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They took my balls.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
