I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
