She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
