When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
