I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
