the condom got lost in my hair
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
two words: eviction party
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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