I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
