Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
