just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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