my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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