I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
