Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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