Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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