he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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