its not stalking. its research.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
