we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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