my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
