worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
