You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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