i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
