I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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