I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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