Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
