Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
