I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
