so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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