just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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