He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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