a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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