Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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