I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Non-Jews are for practice
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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