You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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