Small penises have feelings too.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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