Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize