I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
