So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You pole danced in your parka.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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