you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
