Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
