He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
