please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
