I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize