I want to have your abortion
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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