No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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