TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
