Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
