Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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