piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize