I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
